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What the Fathers say
Eastern Fathers
John Chrysostom
He does not say, "love them," because to this nature draws them even against their own will, and it were superfluous to lay down a law on such subjects. But what does he say? "Provoke not your children to wrath," as many do by disinheriting them, and disowning them, and treating them overbearingly, not as free, but as slaves. This is why he says, "Provoke not your children to wrath." Then, which is the chief thing of all, he shows how they will be led to obedience, referring the whole source of it to the head and chief authority. …
Theophylact of Ohrid
He did not say: love; because nature demands this from them even apart from their will, but: "do not provoke," that is, do not deprive them of their portion and inheritance, do not oppress them harshly, treating them not as free persons but as slaves, and constantly be patient with them. He goes back to the beginning and foundation of obedience and shows fathers how they can make their children obedient. …
Ignatius of Antioch
Children, obey your parents, and have an affection for them, as workers together with God for your birth [into the world]. Servants, be subject to your masters in God, that ye may be the freed-men of Christ. Husbands, love your wives, as fellow-servants of God, as your own body, as the partners of your life, and your co-adjutors in the procreation of children. Virgins, have Christ alone before your eyes, and His Father in your prayers, being enlightened by the Spirit. …
Western Saints
Jerome
Instead of asking parents to give their children a fancy education in secular literature, instead of making them read comedies and recite the obscene writings of the theater, he asks the Ephesian laypersons, many of whom, as is common in a population, were engaged in the ordinary occupations of this life, that they should "educate their children in every doctrine and counsel of the Lord." Overseers and elders ought to take note of this.
Thomas Aquinas
After he has instructed the children, he counsels the parents. When he says And you, fathers, provoke not your children to anger, it is not that the fathers must give in to their will in all matters. Here it must be noted that the authority of a father with respect to his child is different from that of a master with respect to his servant. For the master employs his servant to his own advantage, but the father manages his child for the child's advantage. …
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