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What the Fathers say
Eastern Fathers
Cyril of Alexandria
But life must not be renounced, which both in the body and the soul the blessed Paul also preserved, that yet living in the body he might preach Christ. But when it was necessary to despise life so that he might finish his course, he counts not his life dear unto him. (Acts 20:24.)
Theophylact of Ohrid
Since many of those who followed Jesus did not follow with complete zeal and self-denial, but had a very cold disposition, He, teaching what His disciple should be like, expresses His thoughts on this matter, as if portraying and painting him, affirming that he must hate not only those close to him outwardly, but also "his own soul." But look, in your simplicity and inexperience, do not be scandalized by this saying. …
Clement of Alexandria
"But whosoever shall not hate father or mother or wife or children," they quote, "cannot be my disciple." This is not a command to hate one's family. For he says: "Honour thy father and thy mother that it may be well with thee." But what he means is this: Do not let yourself be led astray by irrational impulses and have nothing to do with the city customs. For a household consists of a family, and cities of households, as Paul also says of those who are absorbed in marriage that they aim to "please the world."
Western Saints
Augustine of Hippo
On another occasion, the Lord says, "Whoever comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, and wife and children, and brothers and sisters, and even his own soul, cannot be my disciple." As a rule, this is more upsetting to the mind of new Christians who are eager to begin at once to live in accordance with the precepts of Christ. To those who do not fully grasp its meaning, it would seem contradictory.… He has condescended to call his disciples to the eternal kingdom. He also called them brothers. …
Ambrose of Milan
For if for thy sake the Lord renounces His own mother, saying, Who is my mother? and who are my brethren? (Matt. 12:48, Mark 3:33.) why dost thou deserve to be preferred to thy Lord? But the Lord will have us neither be ignorant of nature, nor be her slaves, but so to submit to nature, that we reverence the Author of nature, and depart not from God out of love to our parents.
Gregory the Dialogist
But it may be asked, how are we bid to hate our parents and our relations in the flesh, who are commanded to love even our enemies? But if we weigh the force of the command we are able to do both, by rightly distinguishing them so as both to love those who are united to us by the bond of the flesh, and whom we acknowledge our relations, and by hating and avoiding not to know those whom we find our enemies in the way of God. …
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